Most people intuitively understand what "compassion" means and are able to experience it for strangers such as the Katrina victims. Fewer people are able to experience it for themselves or their partners. An ingredient of compassion is non-attachment to the outcome and we tend to be attached to an outcome in our partner's (or family's) life situations. And we tend to be very attached to an outcome for ourselves. That attachment seems to come with judgment rather than discernment. We want to be able to discern and make choices in life, however judgment is simply toxic. It is toxic to the judger and the judgee and shrinks the heart. Compassion takes place in an expanded heart and expands the heart.